20 Sep 2004 21:17:43

Jake

Chinks eat monkey brains when the monkey is still alive and kicking.

Live Monkey Brains Most people probably have heard the tale of the barbaric foreigners who strap a live monkey down and eat its brains while it screams. It has even made it into the Hollywood mainstream in movies like "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." The common aspects of this story, as it is almost always told, make it an excellent illustration of a classic urban legend. Recipe Legends have traditionally been passed down orally and it is no different with the Live Monkey Brain legend. The following is the universal recipe for this legend: * Take one (1) living monkey. The story does not work without the kicking and the screaming and the biting. Just eating monkey brain stew is not particularly interesting or shocking. * Strap beneath special table with hole in center. The monkey must be strapped beneath a table with its head poking up through a hole. * Bop monkey on the head, scoop and serve. The diners usually deliver the fatal blow themselves with hammers, the skull is sawed off and the brains are scooped out with spoons. That's about as complex as the legend gets, but I'd like to add two special ingredients that you may not have noticed in your culinary excursions: * Others do it in other places. This is universal in every version I have ever heard or seen. Americans say the Taiwanese do it. Indonesians say the Taiwanese do it. Taiwanese say that Hong Kongers do it. Hong Kongers say it is rural Chinese on the border with Vietnam. Historical versions by officials from Beijing (in the North) report that it is Southerners who do it. Variations might get as close as another ethnic group in the same area or even that Grandfather did it once in the old days, but you rarely hear a reliable first hand account, which brings us to... * A friend of a friend told me. The story is often claimed true because a friend had a friend who was in Asia during the Vietnam war who ate monkey brains or saw tables with holes while traveling. Occasionally, someone does tell this as a first hand story, but (with two anecdotal exceptions) everyone I have ever challenged has backed down or has been unable to provide convincing details. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. Note: Two normal people have contacted me by e-mail with first-hand accounts. One account happened when the person was a child and the other stated that each dinner had their own monkey and that its head was "the size of a human infant." I remain skeptical, but these two anecdotes are important. Variations There are a few variation, but what makes this such a classic legend is that it is so consistent in its many tellings. For example, the location can be Asia or some Middle Eastern country, but it is always foreigners. Some locations I have heard or seen associated with this story are: Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia, Japan, Thailand, India, Africa and the Middle East. The most common variation, by far, involves the Chinese. And the most common report is from Indonesians (or Western reporters in Indonesia) about ethnic Chinese Indonesians. If you ask someone from China about the legend, they will almost certainly have heard of it. If you ask them if it is true, as with all of the best legends, most people will say that it is indeed true and may even offer the "we Chinese eat anything with four legs that isn't a table" explanation. But if pressed for details, it will inevitably involve people from some other region, ethnic group or time. I have collected a large number of references which I have critically annotated. It's not just a boring list, so you should definitely hop over and check out the movies and plays that feature monkey brain eating (including Italian porn from the 70s), lots of newspaper article and even pictures of a woman eating monkey brains. Historical References One of the best early references I have found is from a reporter in Japan who heard that the legend was started by a colorful columnist in 1948, but the story is much older and has Chinese origins. There are two important Chinese historical references. One is a legendary menu, called the "Man Han Quan Xi" ("The Manchu-Han Complete Banquet" - see title in Chinese at the end of the article), that is said to be from the ultimate Chinese feast and is supposed to contain the most exotic and wonderful foods from all over the empire. The menu (which no longer exists, but is referenced by other sources) is from the Qing Dynasty period, which peaked in the 18th century. The other reference is from a book titled "ManTuoLuo Xuan XianHua" ("Casual Chat on Mantuolou's Veranda"), written by Zhang HaiOu in the mid-19th century. This text collects traditional Chinese medicine and food knowledge from various locales around China and in turn refers to an account by a general who traveled around China, possibly as early as the 16th century. He recounts a feast that he attended that included live monkey brain, which he described as being quite tasty. The previously mentioned Qing Dynasty menu and this 16th century report may or may not be distinct references, however, and both may come from the same source (e.g. the general traveled about and collected the dishes that ended up on the now-lost menu). Unfortunately, this is a literary-historical friend-of-a-friend tale, as I do not have access to this 19th century Chinese book and have not read the actual account, which of course refers to the other older source, of which I know basically nothing (not even the title). While this is all very interesting, hunting down primary source documents in classical Chinese far exceeds my abilities and the patience of my Chinese friends (who are far less obsessed with monkey brains than I am). In any case, there is little doubt that this classic legend is probably as old as time itself, first told by Java Man to Lucy about the exotic eating habits of barbaric Peking Man. Is It True? The main purpose of this article is to discuss the canonical Live Monkey Brain feast. As a legend, it is a classic in every way and is particularly interesting because of its age and the extent of the documentation surrounding it, whether it is true or false. * Eating live monkey brains as a delicacy is highly unlikely and the canonical tale is almost certainly not true. Key elements are unbelievable and undocumented. This includes that the monkey is live (and conscious), strapped below the table and that the diners excitedly bop the screaming, kicking monkey on the head, while blood squirts all around. Then they presumably wipe off the blood, have a good laugh and enjoy the delicious brains. Yum! * Eating live monkey brains as medicine is much more believable, but I'd only put even money on it. This is not the standard version of the tale, but it is a horrific and commonly reported variation. Paying money to have the chef prepare fresh monkey brain sushi is only one step removed from selecting a lobster from a tank and boiling it alive. * Eating fresh (but not live) monkey brains as medicine is more likely still , given the large number of reports. Powdered monkey brain in a medicine shop seems quite plausible. Still, there is always room of skepticism. * Eating cooked monkey brains is also believable. Monkey brain stew might even taste good. Created: 17 July, 1998 Updated: 6 July, 2004 Annotated References Don't take my word for it. Check out my extensive annotated references and see for yourself: everyone has heard this story, no one has thought very critically about it and no one has ever seen a live monkey brain feast first hand. The Chinese and Exotic Foods Monkey brains are a special case of the more general legends about the disgusting things that the Chinese eat. More about this is written in another article. Chinese References - referred to in the story above:

20 Sep 2004 21:23:07

Jake

Re: Chinks eat monkey brains when the monkey is still alive and kicking.

In Asia, do people scoop the brains out of a monkey's skull and eat them? 09-Mar-2001 010309.gif Dear Cecil: Numerous tales originating in Asia (usually Hong Kong, although I have also seen references to Singapore, Thailand, India, Japan, Korea, etc.) describe restaurants that serve monkey brains. The procedure for preparation is usually described thusly: A live monkey is brought to the table and immobilized by having his head thrust through a metal collar. In some versions scalding water is poured over his scalp to kill off the lice. Then a tool of some sort is used to smash the creature's skull, and its brains are scooped out and consumed raw. Can you establish any truth to this, or are we dealing with just another long-running urban legend? --Mark Schreiber, Tokyo PS: I personally have no desire to witness such a procedure or consume simian gray matter. Dear Mark: Don't kid me, you slime--that scene in Hannibal got you salivating, didn't it? (Or maybe it was the one in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.) The idea seems so gross it can't possibly be true. But is it? We began as we always do, by seeing what we could scare up on the Web. Plenty has been written about this. The Chinese, or at least those in Guangdong province, near Hong Kong, are said to prize all manner of bizarre foods, including bear's paw, snake, crocodile, dog, kangaroo, pigeon, frogs, sparrows, live baby mice ("good for ulcers"), newborn rats ("pinkies," swallowed whole and alive for asthma), lizards, worms seasoned in cheddar cheese and Mexican spices, fried ants, scorpions, smoked reindeer, moose, crickets, caterpillar larvae, and of course monkey brains. We even got a lead on where we could score some brains, from the "Queer Food" page on a Web site called "Food in Singapore" (formerly at http://members.tripod.com/~zeoy/queer.html,but this address no longer works): "Rumours say that there is a stall beside Bedok Reservoir that sells monkey brains. We did not go down there to check that place out due to 3 simple reasons: 1)We do not put much faith in rumours; 2) Bedok is very far from our homes (Bedok is in the East and we are in the West); 3) Nobody in our group is daring enough to eat monkey brains. . . . However, if you happen to visit Bedok or live there, check it out for us." Pups. But I knew just the guy to contact--our man in Singapore, Brooks. Described by even those fond of him as devious and conniving, Brooks would get to the bottom of this if anybody could. Sure enough, mere hours after sending him an urgent wire, we got word from him: They eat monkeys in Singapore all right. "There's a small group of monkeys" near a marina on an Indonesian island a short distance from Singapore, Brooks wrote. He and his wife and their friend Tony were walking along the pier, minding our own business, & CRACK--we hear a gun nearby. We look up & the customs guy is pointing a big revolver toward the marina. We freeze then start walking backwards to get behind a big cruiser. CRACK again. Then we hear Tony laughing with the customs guys. He says come on up--lunch will be ready in an hour. Tony translates what happened. The customs guys shot a monkey out of the tree. You can't just shoot a monkey sitting in a tree, because they don't fall. They rot up there, hanging on. So first you shoot to get the monkey to jump. Then when he's scrambling, you shoot him & he'll fall. We don't see any monkeys in the tree & don't see one on the ground--we figured he missed & Tony was joking about lunch. A while later as we're leaving, the Indonesians near the boat shed have a beach fire going & are cooking something in a big pot--and on a tree we see a monkey skin. The driver taking us to the ferry terminal tells us that monkey meat is good. The brains are eaten raw, but he doesn't eat monkey ever since he saw one skinned--skinned ones look EXACTLY like human babies! OK, so they weren't eating the brains. But we've established that Asians eat monkeys they've killed on the spot. Inquiring later, Brooks was told that while consumption of monkey brains is now generally illegal, the Chinese still eat them whenever they can get away with it. What's more, he had a friend, D., whose father, a 'baba' (ethnic Chinese), had eaten monkey brains himself. Here's what D. says his father told him: The monkey's head was supported by its neck in a bracket, two pieces of wood with a semicircular hole on each side such that when you put them together, they form a complete circle around the animal's neck, allowing the head to be exposed above the plank. The hair around the head is shaven with a shaving razor. A small chisel and a hammer is used to quickly chisel a circle around the crown, and the top part of the skull is removed. A teaspoon is used to scoop up the brain, which is immediately eaten. This has to be done before the monkey dies. According to D., this happened in 1948 or '49. Pops, now deceased, was an eyewitness but didn't say whether he'd partaken of the brains himself. Possibly he was jerking his kid around, but I've heard enough similar stories to make me think this is legit. Brooks, at any rate, remains on the case. We'll let you know what else we find out. --CECIL ADAM

20 Sep 2004 21:25:29

Jake

Re: Chinks eat monkey brains when the monkey is still alive and kicking.

July 17, 2004 Eating monkey brains and pissing off aboriginals An increasingly hardline Jiang Zemin is the one with the ultimate authority in the CCP, and he's vowed to "resolve the Taiwan problem" by 2020. Dark clouds are gathering over Ilha Formosa, but thankfully we have the Apple Daily to tell us about... PEOPLE EATING LIVE MONKEY BRAINS!!!!!! applemonkey1.jpg LIVE MONKEY BRAINS!!! applemonkey2.jpg LIVE MONKEY BRAINS!!!! Now you're probably thinking, "Hmm, I've got a monkey in a cage. But how would I go about eating his brains?" Thankfully, as a service to their readers, the Apple provides a step-by-step guide to cracking open some monkey skull (second picture above). To translate: 1) The chef cleans the monkey's pate, and then shaves the hair off the top. 2) The monkey, with its limbs bound, is placed into a specially designed table with a hole in the center, so that only its head is exposed. To eat it, you just have to break its skull and pry it open. 3) With the monkey's cranium pried open, diners can either dip the brains into hot chili oil or spoon it directly out. Either way, the monkey cannot attack but still feels an extreme amount of pain. (As a side note, why is the flash HTML tag turned off in IE? It would make the text above so much funnier if it could flash.) --- In similarly disgusting news, Vice President Annette Lu continues to open her mouth and shame the entire DPP. First, she says that it would be a swell idea to move all of those mountain-dwelling aboriginals affected by the recent floods to Latin America. Then she suggested that aboriginals (who originally came from Polynesia a couple of thousand years ago) weren't the first people to come to Taiwan. Rather, it was "=E7=9F=AE=E9=BB=91=E4=BA=BA" i.e. short black people who came to Taiwan fi= rst, about ten or twenty thousand years ago. Now, Annette Lu is calling all of the negative stories about her in the press a form of "black terror." This of course is causing the aboriginal community to flip out. There was a small protest last night on Ketegalan Blvd, where one aboriginal pol was talking about how the DPP was a "colonial government" and Lu was "oppressing them with her heartless ignorance" ("=E5=91=82=E7=A7=80=E8=93=AE=E8=A6=81=E7=94=A8=E5=A5=B9=E7=84=A1=E7=9F=A5= =E7=9A=84=E7=9F=A5=E8=AD=98=E4=BE=86=E6=AC=BA=E5=A3=93=E5=8E=9F=E4=BD=8F=E6= =B0=91.") Meanwhile, some DPP legislator who is not Annette Lu thought it was wise to chip in that the government has coddled the aboriginals for too long and that that has made them stupid ("=E8=AE=93=E5=8E=9F=E4=BD=8F=E6=B0=91=E9=83= =BD=E8=AE=8A=E7=AC=A8=E4=BA=86"). --- I'm not sure which reaction is funnier to watch: DPP pols scrambling to distance themselves from Lu's remarks (Su Zhenchang: "=E6=96=B0=E8=81=9E=E8=87=AA=E7=94=B1=E5=8F=8A=E5=80=8B=E4=BA=BA=E8=A8=80= =E8=AB=96=E8=87=AA=E7=94=B1=E9=83=BD=E6=87=89=E5=8F=97=E5=88=B0=E4=BF=9D=E9= =9A=9C=EF=BC=8C=E5=89=AF=E7=B8=BD=E7=B5=B1=E8=AC=9B=E7=9A=84=E8=A9=B1=E6=88= =91=E4=B8=8D=E6=95=A2=E8=A9=95=E8=AB=96"), or the lunatic TI supporters over at Forumosa racing to be apologists for her. I really don't understand what's in the heads of some of these white guys who are hardcore Taiwanese independence supporters. I mean, I understand how many white guys, after having lived here several years and marrying a DPP-supporting local gal, would want to tell the CCP to fuck off. But more than a few foreigners have crossed the line into pure fantasy. How can anyone seriously argue that sovereignty of Taiwan was not transferred from Japan to the Republic of China at the Cairo declaration? Use this analogy to understand the rich irony of a non-=E5=8F=B0=E8=AA=9E s= peaking white guy adamantly supporting the DPP: An Indian computer programmer goes over to the US on a tech worker's visa. He finds a nice Republican woman and settles down with her. Then, partially based off listening to his wife and partially based off of reading the Urdu-language version of the National Review (the only local magazine he can understand), he ardently supports Pat Buchanan, who he believes is the only one who can protect the purity of the American heritage from the pollution of foreign influences. Sure, some member of Buchanan's party might publicly denigrate his race all the time on the news, but he still loves America (even though he isn't an official American citizen because of legislation passed by Buchanan's party.) Moreover, this recent immigrant often frequents Urdu-language Internet forums, where he and some of his buddies call the majority of Americans brainwashed because they're not as pro-American as they are. An actual American who has studied Urdu for several years might occasionally drop by, but he'll probably be flamed for not having a native speaker's fluency in Urdu. If this American persists in disagreeing, he'll be dismissed as a crank. It's this analogy, my friend, that describes a good 50% of the posters at the Taiwan Politics forum at Forumosa. Another 40% are still fairly pan-green, but at least they're still somewhat grounded in reality. Of course, this analogy isn't perfect. For one, it's a lot easier for a non-local to obtain the same rights (everything from the right to vote to the right to have a five-year drivers license) as a local in the US than in the ROC. Moreover, blatant xenophobia is much more accepted in public discourse here in the ROC. Ergo, it's even harder to fathom why a Westerner would be so single-mindedly supportive of the DPP. I guess I'm becoming more pan-blue (inasmuch as a completely passive foreign observer can identify with one wing or the other). Maybe it's because recently I've been thinking of sticking around for another year, and the blues seem less likely to lead this island into total destruction.